Jenny McCarthy was risque even at age 6. Grinning broadly during a recent interview, she recounts how she cracked up the mothers waiting to pick up their kids at her kindergarten with a slightly off-color joke aimed at her teacher.
"I watched all these people laughing and I thought, 'Cool. Right on.'"
She's hoping the same type of raw irreverence will pay dividends in her new sitcom, "The Bad Girl's Guide," based on the best-selling series of books by Cameron Tuttle. It premieres Tuesday at 9:30 p.m. EDT on UPN.
McCarthy plays JJ, a low-level advertising executive who shares the joys and woes of modern life in the company of two girlfriends co-worker Holly (Marcelle Larice) and roommate Sarah (Christina Moore).
"Being a 'bad girl' isn't necessarily breaking the law, it's basically questioning the rules, testing out boundaries," says McCarthy.
The show is "a little bit edgy for network television," she says. In the premiere episode, JJ indulges in romantic fantasies about a man she's met in the elevator at work. There's some sexy language, but it's not as explicit as, say, HBO's retired "Sex and The City."
"This is 'Sex and The City in the Mall,'" McCarthy says. "This is where people can go out and get (the style) for $19.99. We definitely wanted a real girl perspective on it, not a fantasy world."
The Chicago-born McCarthy, 32, was Playboy's Playmate of the Year in 1994, then went on to host "Singled Out" and "The Jenny McCarthy Show" on MTV. She also starred in "Jenny," an NBC sitcom that only aired for 10 episodes in 1997.
Married and the mother of a 3-year-old boy, she's authored the explicit books "Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth about Pregnancy and Childbirth" and "Baby Laughs: The Naked Truth About the First Year of Mommyhood."
"The thing I've realized in my 12-year career I'm glad to say my 15 minutes of fame was a lot longer than people thought that when it comes to female comediennes who still want to be pretty, people can't write for them," she says, explaining why it was tough to find the right show.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Nice blog, thank you! I really like it.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
When I found this site was like wow. Thanks for putting your effort in making this site.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Keep functioning ,remarkable job!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
The truth is more important than the facts.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Very well written post. It will be supportive to anyone who employess it, as well as myself. Keep up the good work - for sure i will check out more posts.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I love when you talk about this type of stuff in your posts. Perhaps could you continue this?
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Awesome info it is surely. My boss has been seeking for this tips.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
I attempted to to submit a remark earlier, nevertheless it hasn't shown up. In my opinion the spam filter may be broken
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Wow, this is very interesting to read. Have you ever considered submitting articles to magazines?
I like when you talk about this type of stuff in your blog. Perhaps could you continue to do this?
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Getting a glass of wine or two during social events might not be this kind of a poor concept, but the rate to which the alcohol affects your libido negatively or positively truly is dependent upon your physique kind and size and weight.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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This really answered my drawback, thanks!
An attention-grabbing dialogue is price comment. I think that you should write more on this subject, it might not be a taboo topic however typically people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
The truth is more important than the facts.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The following time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I mean, I do know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have one thing fascinating to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you could fix if you happen to werent too busy searching for attention.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Most males will develop impotence at some point in their life. But within the majority of cases it's a one off occurrence, not a long term 1. When impotence occurs over the long term it is deemed a issue and this really is when professional advice and testing is required.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
The large problem is it seems that for a big quantity of males, their capability to obtain an hard-on and have sexual intercourse is viewed as an integral part of their masculinity and potency and can be debilitating to his mental wellness.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Sadly numerous males will endure diabetes impotence prior to they do some thing about their blood sugar level. The diabetic has a poison within their bloodstream called glucose.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Boa tarde turma, realmente manter um carro é oneroso devido ao encarecimento de algumas empresas como as de financiamento. Estas nem sempre cumprem ao contrato assinado ou tem embutidas em letras ilegíveis deveres que dão prejuízo ao comprador do automóvel. O Código do Consumidor muitas vezes não protege todas as artimanhas do comprador. Estava lendo umas experiências no http://www.carrousado.org sobre todos os passos para a compra sem ter dor de cabeça no final. Foi mal, realmente está difícil fazer bons negócios.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It's very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The good news is - herbs can get you hard, without guide stimulation and they do this in several methods that are outlined below.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
If you want to remedy impotence, you should improve your amounts of nitric oxide simply because nitric oxide regulates blood flow to the penis and it does this by relaxing and widening the blood vessels which supply the penis with blood.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Recognize that you simply are not alone, and also you have many routes on the path of curing your mental impotence. Do not let embarrassment maintain you from finding out the way to offer with this problem.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.